Over the break i discussed illness and dying with a relative in egypt who is dying (i will reffer to her as nadia to protect her identity). When talking with nadia i didnt discuss illness or dying at first, i wanted to work up to it but it ended up being nadia who brought it up. Nadia is almost 80 and you can tell that she is dying, the color in her face has gone and she can no longer move her body as much as she used to. i realized that nadia who once moved her hands around as she would tell me stories no longer does that (similar to Morrie in Tuesdays with Morrie). when she brought up her dying she didnt seem sad, angry or anxious. She seemed contempt, not that she had accepted the fact but more like it wasn't serious enough to worry about.
I told her about the ideas from tuesdays with Morrie, we especially discussed detachment and her response was something unexpected. She said "I can't detach, to feel all these emotions to their full capacity and then die never to feel them again would kill me by itself." When she said this i felt it would be wrong to keep asking her questions about how it feels to be dying and what the process is like but she insisted i go on. When we disscussed family i could tell that it was going to be hard for her. Her family is her life and so leaving them she says is going to be the hardest thing to do. She seemed caught up on the thought of leaving her kids.
Growing up in Egypt and in a fairly religous family Nadia was never really taught about dying and illness in school or otherwise. Most of the things she knows about death she discovered herself. She told me about the time she asked her parents about dying, They completely dismissed the topic, praying immediatly as if talking about dying would make it happen. This topic was taboo for her so being educated on the situation was something she never experienced. However i dont think it is her parents fault, most of us are scared of the unknown, we dont like to be in situations where the possible outcomes are unknown. In Tuesdays with Morrie, he talks about the importance of family during the journey that is dying (as Nadia put it) which i incorporated into my questions, since i am nadia's family she was happy that i discussed the topic of illness and dying with her and that i could be there to explore her own thoughts and my own.
It is great that you and your relatives are able to discuss what might be a very fragile topic to many others so comfortably. You did an excellent job showing me your thought process as you were talking with your relative. I have lost a dog and 2 relatives during my life, but i was too young to really understand what it meant at the time. The conversation that you had with your relative seemed to have helped you further explore your thoughts on this topic. I think that it is interesting to have a discussion with someone who has not talked much about death before because you can see a fresh point of view.
ReplyDeleteHey Sharif- This was interesting to read. I enjoyed how you made connections to Tuesdays With Morrie. And how you also stated things you noticed to be different about Nadia's behaviors, which automatically allowed you to believe that Nadia is dying. Your line "She seemed contempt, not that she had accepted the fact but more like it wasn't serious enough to worry about." made me think about how important it is to accept death even if you don't think you are near dying. i wonder what would happen if children were raised(reaffirmed everyday) with the idea that they could die due to billions of different sinarios, in one day alone. I would have enjoyed your post a little more if you had incorporated all of that information but explained the setting and environment in such away that i felt like i was with you experiencing the conversation with Nadia too.
ReplyDelete